So I went to see Captain Marvel…

Well, this is going to have a bunch of spoilers, but it doesn’t matter because everyone who was interested in watching Captain Marvel, did already.

Except for The Mary Sue. Even if they wrote so many articles about it, at least some of their staff doesn’t seem to care enough about Captain Marvel to ACTUALLY GO WATCH IT… well…


Anyway, this is not going to be a “movie review” per se. I am just going to share my thoughts on the movie. First of all, I have to admit the movie was entertaining (not “great”, not “amazing” and not “spectacular, spectacular, no words in the vernacular”). It was simply entertaining.

To be fair, there’s things to like about this movie… And there are things to completely despise about this movie. Please note I didn’t say “a lot to dislike” but “a lot to despise” because the bad elements are really really bad.

Things to like:

I think the main thing to like about this movie is the chemistry between Nick Fury and Carol Danvers. I have to say it feels rather abrupt, since they don’t trust each other at one point and they are best friends the next.

The cat.

Agent Coulson.

The first interaction between Brie Larson and Jude Law was pretty interesting. I liked how he was telling her she had to control her emotions. That felt very “Jedi-like” because emotions can make you do stupid things. To be honest that part reminded me “certain videos” you see on YouTube… That aside, I think that was a really cool detail and I would hope it comes back for Endgame somehow, making Captain Marvel lose it and get emotional because Fury is dead, so she acts without thinking just to get her butt kicked.

Also, when she starts to fight at the rhythm of “I’m just a girl” (a song that is so forced onto the scene it completely ruins it… more about that below), she shoots some lasers and she is thrown backwards, as a way to show that she can’t control her powers. That was a nice touch.

But then she’s all cool and all, flying around and shooting lasers like it’s nothing. So much for “I’m getting used to my powers.”

Like, but not so much:

This Nick Fury is different to the one you know. Ok, while I liked this Fury, I think he was “too soft” compared to the one we know, and that is somewhat alienating. Here’s the thing: yes, you can change the personality of the character, but you also need a transition point from A to B. In this case, we would need to know how the “mister cool nice Fury” in Captain Marvel becomes this grim and unlikable Fury from all other movies we’ve seen. On top of that, the personality is not the only thing that changes. His entire wardrobe changes, and that drastic change requires an explanation, because he’s not one of the avengers, who change suits every movie for whatever reason (like IronMan). His outfit is personality-related.

Things to despise: Captain Marvy Sue.

While I appreciate that Captain Marvel is not a Mary Sue, I think there’s lack of consistency. In her first scene, she’s unable to defeat Jude Law, and that’s a good thing.

But then she gets captured and she manages to defeat a gazillion Skrulls literally with both hands tied, and barely getting punched.

How come Carol Danvers knows how to use a computer even if she supposedly has no memory of her human life? She has no memories of her life on Earth, and yet she manages to hack a phone to turn it into a space communicator, she knows how to read a map, how to use men-made computers and Altavista, how to ride a motorcycle, read English, use human guns… I found those things extremely alienating.

There’s a part when they are trying to escape in a plane and Fury asks if she knows how to fly that thing. She says something like “I think so” but then she just does it… so yeah, add “flying human planes” to the list of Mary Sue skills.

I personally think that plane thing was a missed opportunity. The filmmakers could have used that as a way of “it’s kinda coming back to me!” so she’s struggling to remember how to fly the plane but she realizes “it’s second nature” for her, while the other guys are coming closer and are trying to catch them. But no, she just turns it on like it’s nothing.

Continuing with the lack of consistency in her Mary Sueness: after she “unlocks” her full powers, she fights her ex-partners (some Kree guys), and she struggles to win, because she gets punched around quite a few times.

But then she’s flying around destroying missiles and spaceships like it’s nothing.

MOAR things to despise:

There’s a scene where Monica Rambeau pretty much tells her mom “mom, you should go into this suicide mission with aunt Carol, because you have to think the kind of example you’re giving to your daughter.” I found that line extremely cringy and out of place. I’m touching on this subject a little bit further in this blog post, but I’m just going to mention this. This movie has been marketed as a “feminist film” so Monica Rambeau saying that was a very “in your face” way of saying “mom, feminism, mom!”

Why I despise this… Ok, it was obvious that Maria Rambou (Monica’s mother) was not going to die, because it’s Marvel, and, until Infinity War, Marvel has lacked the courage to kill a character (no, Quicksilver doesn’t count, because nobody cares about him, and his death is meaningless). However, it takes a really insane child to tell his/her mom/dad to go on a suicide mission. I know, my father was a soldier, and never did I encourage him to “go on a dangerous mission so I he could give me a good example.”

Another thing, is Carol Danvers secretly a Kryptonian or what? She has this really bad car crash when she’s little, and all she gets is a bleeding lip. Again, when she’s flying with Mar Vell and they crash, the crash is so bad they should have died, and yet they steps out of the plane just fine.

There’s a scene where “Come as you are” starts playing out of the blue. It felt so jarring and out of place, like Captain Marvel was trying to be Guardians of the Galaxy. The problem is that at no point this kind of music was part of this movie’s identity, so instead of feeling “natural” it feels forced.

The same for “I’m just a girl” when she’s fighting. The song is picked just to reinforce the “feminist film” idea, but it feels completely out of place, because, again, this kind of music was never established as part of the film’s identity.

Oh, by the way, in Captain America: The First Avenger, the tesseract is shown to be so powerful that it melts the metal of the plane after sending Red Skull who knows where. And yet, in Captain Marvel you can perfectly carry the tesseract inside a lunch box… really, dude??

Nick Fury loses his eye because a freaking cat scratches him… So, from now on, when you re-watch old Marvel movies, or when you see Nick Fury reference his eye again, you will automatically think of that freaking cat… I am not sure if this was added in the reshoots, but if it was, it only shows filmmakers don’t understand sarcasm. When people were saying “I bet the cat scratches Fury’s eye!” it was a joke…

Oh, and Ronan The Acuser shows up and he wants to nuke the Earth so he shoots some missiles… but then Captain Marvel destroys them and, gee, those explosions were tiny…

When Captain America came out, it was branded as “Captain America: The First Avenger” but then it turns out “The Avengers” name comes from Carol Danvers’ plane. So… does that mean Carol Danvers is the first Avenger, or is Captain America the first Avenger because he was an avenger before avengers were cool?

But the worst thing is the way the movie “handles” the “twist” that Skrulls are actually refugees.

No, movie. No. Just no… the Skrulls act like bad guys during the entire film. They act like bad guys, they speak like bad guys, the behave like bad guys. Talos was even willing to send Fury to the hospital (or kill him), and he told the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D. he wanted Fury “dead or alive.” So, no, movie, you didn’t earn the right to say “Skrulls are peaceful refugees” when one of them was trying to get Fury dead.

EVEN MOAR things to despise: When “muh politics” get in the way of storytelling.

There’s always an argument of whether or not “politics should be in entertainment.” I’m not going to argue for or against this. I am only going to say one thing: If you are a writer then you have ONE job and that job is TO WRITE A GOOD COHESIVE AND COHERENT STORY, and that’s it. So, if you want to put your politics in your story, go ahead, but you still have to write a good story. Your work is not measured by how well you put politics in your story. Your work is measured by how good your story is.

And the issue is that, yes, Captain Marvel is entertaining, but storywise it is not good. It has good things, but that’s not enough to make the entire story good.

So, first, the whole “this is a feminist film” thing. You get a gazillion of shots where men tell Carol over and over how she’s not good enough and how she doesn’t belong, and they are so many you are like “dude, yes, I get the point” but the movie is like “no, you don’t get it yet, so here’s another 50 shots to make sure you do get it.”

But when your “feminism push” is so important that you even have to make the protagonist’s father an asshole, then that’s a problem. Why is it a problem? because parents are supposed to be the ones that support you no matter what. And if your parents don’t support you, then address that in your movie. Adding ONE freaking scene where Monica Rambeau says “you didn’t get along with your parents” and then moves on to talk about something else is not storytelling, it’s an excuse to have an asshole father.

I mentioned above how the movie doesn’t earn the “they are refugees” twist. And I am going to use this clip to prove my point. “I’m only a peaceful refugee and that’s why I want to break your bones”:

Again, sorry, movie, but you don’t earn that twist. Not after showing this scene.

If you read about the production process, you learn that Captain Marvel went through reshoots in November. Well, last year there was this thing about the migrant caravan that left Honduras and El Salvador to the US. The (left leaning) mainstream media labeled the migrant caravan as “a caravan of refugees” (which they are not, and if you are a US person who want to debate that fact with me, I’m open to that debate… just let me give you a friendly reminder that I am from El Salvador, so there’s 100% chance I know more about the caravan than you).

The first caravan left on the 12th of October and reached the US southern border in late November. However, the caravan had gotten coverage as early as late October.

Captain Marvel reshoots began in late November.

Everyone says the movie was shifted from its 2018 release to just before Endgame as a way to make sure people would watch the movie. However, I wonder why they ordered reshoots AFTER the date the movie was supposed to be released.

So, I don’t think it is too crazy to assume they ordered those reshoots as a way to include the Skrull caravan, I mean, the Skrull refugee twist as some half-baked “pro-immigration” message. Here’s the thing. Watch Captain Marvel and really pay attention to it. Pay attention to the tone, to how the Skrulls act, and the way things are handled. There’s an extremely clear difference between the pre-twist and post-twist Skrull behavior. Look at the video above where Talos is fighting Fury and going for the kill, and then watch the “twist” scene, and tell me if you seriously thing they both feel like part of the same movie.

They don’t.

Additionally, this third act introduces a lot of conversations and messages that are slapped onto the movie during the last 10 minutes:
“The Skrulls are terrorists!!!” since when and based on what? At what point in the movie did you see them carry out some sort of terrorist attack?
“They are coming to our borders!!!” and did we ever see that, or do we simply know because you are now mentioning it when the movie is almost over?

During the “twist” Talos also says that they had been exterminated and only a handful remain. Yet at the end he’s like “there are still thousands of us, scattered in the universe” so… is it just a handful, or thousands? I’m confused.

The funny thing is that the movie itself doesn’t adhere to its half-baked “twist”: You get the “they are just peaceful refugees and they ought to be respected and understood” message, and literally three minutes later they are like “hey Skrull, lol, hey Skrull, can you shapeshift into a cat? Hey, Skrull, lol, hey, Skrull. Lol, can you shape shift into a file cabinet? LOL!”

Really, dude?

So you are saying that, since this has parallels in real life, you’d be “these central american refugees need our sympathy” and then three minutes later you’d be like “hey refugee, is it true that you pee behind trees? Lol.”

Again, it doesn’t matter if you want to put politics in your writings. You still have one job: to make a good and coherent story. The problem is that Captain Marvel is to concerned with making a statement that they forget that their story has to make sense.

But, LOL, Skrulls can shapeshift into file cabinets, LOL. Respect the migrant, LOL.

Oh, but Nick Fury survives this movie. I was really worried he would die.

~ by nemirc on March 24, 2019.

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